We can always say that it's the alcohol (or maybe not)
by ShadowDianne
Summary: "But then I realized that you weren't someone to be seen as a second chance. You are the first chance of someone. " After the winter finale Emma and Regina talk with each other.


**A/N Something that my muse whispered to me after the winter finale... **

**Disclaimer: I don't own them which is sad because I have the perfect idea for them and I would happily share them with all of you to create the real family and happy ending that they deserve.**

We can always say that it's the alcohol (or maybe not)

Once the three of them were out of the mansion Emma looked at Regina as Henry touched happily the three blank books that he had taken from the house, hoping to find some kind of solution with the blue fairy.

"Do you still want that drink?" Asked as she drove back to Storybrooke half wondering where it was exactly the blue fairy.

Regina hummed, her eyes never leaving Henry's figure, her smile still intact as they approached the now sleepy city.

"We can go to my house" Said after a few more moments of silence and Emma nodded, directing the car to Mifflin Street as she returned the smile to the older woman.

It didn't take long for Henry to go upstairs, the three books plus their already written one in his arms as he babbled about the next step on Operation Mongoose, and when he finally closed his door Emma turned and smirked at Regina who looked at her with her eyebrows raised, surprised of the change in demeanor of the blonde.

"It was you who named the operation" Stated as she walked to the kitchen, Regina following her, trying to put a scold on her face.

"How did you know that?" Asked at Emma, as the blonde sat on one of the stools that surrounded the kitchen island, her smirk still in place.

"Because I know you" Answered the younger woman and Regina only shrugged, already pouring wine in two tall glasses.

"You don't have anything stronger?" Asked Emma as she looked at the wine with a skeptical look and it was Regina's turn to smirk.

"The last time you asked me something like that you ended up in a cell"

"It was because of that wolf" Complained the blonde but both of them still had their smiles in place, happy to be there, to really be there. "The last time we talked like this was when…" Her voice faltered and she could see the shadow that passed through Regina's eyes for just a second.

"When the pirate came to your parent's house"

"Yes, and I want to tell you that I've missed being with you so… let's talk yes?"

Regina looked at Emma's eyes, that were open and impossibly filled with mirth and candor; a candor that Regina couldn't understand how still existed despite everything that they had endured.

And what Emma had lived alone.

"Perhaps we can go to my studio, like your first time" Said finally, deciding to just talk with the blonde and forget the pirate and Robin, forget what they had been once.

"If I don't end up in jail I think that it's a good idea" Teased Emma and both of them went to the little studio next to the living room, the place as neat as ever and with Regina's perfume still hanging in the air.

At least that was what Emma noticed once she was in the room and she, silently, took off her jacket and seated in one of the couches, the brunette sitting next to her and leaving the tall glass on the nearest table.

"Do you think that this year we can prepare something for Henry?" Asked the blonde, nursing her glass "You know, Christmas"

Regina smiled, thanking Emma for not talking about Robin or what had happened at the town limit.

"When he was little I prepared a special dinner for both of us and everything but the rest of the city didn't so as he got older he started to ask me what the point of Christmas was."

Emma made a face as she sipped from her glass.

"That's kind of sad… the memories that you gave me are starting to be more than fuzzy but now that you mention it I don't really remember anything about Christmas once Henry hit eight."

The brunette nodded as she stood and poured cider in two glasses, replacing her wine with one of them and putting the other next to Emma's reach.

"I never stopped with the presents and making a festivity of it, I wanted to give him the best childhood I could create but the first years were harder for me as we didn't celebrate Christmas in our land."

Emma furrowed her brows as she took the cider and watched how Regina sipped once again from the glass full of cider, the wine forgotten.

"I thought that you had something… but now that I think about it it's something religious so you guys don't have to have something like it"

"We had something close but it was more a chant about live and redemption." Explained the brunette as she smiled a little, remembering how her dad had carried her to the nearest village in those days.

"You seem happy" Mentioned Emma and the brunette hummed before answering, her eyes still looking something far away from the studio in which they were.

"Happy memories that I had think were gone" Replied Regina and Emma found herself touching the older woman's arm again and squeezing it, feeling the strength that it was hidden under the clothes.

"Then I'm happy you have them." She never stopped touching Regina and the brunette didn't say anything about it so she kept her right hand where it was. "I didn't have a lot of Christmas when I was on the system, but when I exited it I did something different every year. I remember my first Christmas out of prison, but I don't know if you are going to enjoy the idea"

Regina looked at her with a little soft smile on her lips and shook her head.

"Tell me, what did you do? It's not like you are going to scandalize me. Who is mistaking the other for your mother now?"

The blonde laughed at that and shrugged.

"Ok, fine, we just simply went out and got completely wasted, the next day I was in her bed and I didn't remember anything. But my rest Christmas included less alcohol; my last Christmas out of Storybrooke included a trip to New York. I simply went there and walked almost all the night, watching everyone. I met two guys in a bar and they invited me to sing in a karaoke for the rest of the night."

"Very risky coming from you" Commented Regina as she finished her glass and Emma nodded silently, finishing her own glass in one large gulp.

"I don't know, sometimes I decided to take the risk, even if I didn't trust them I trusted myself. And they were both very interesting."

"Did you saw them again before Henry?" Asked the brunette curiously but Emma shook her head as she grabbed the bottle of cider.

"No, but I think that was the point."

"Well, I may not see your idea of fun but if you want we can always do something for Henry this year" Conceded the older woman and bit her lip when the words were out of her mouth. "Unless it's a problem for you"

Emma looked at her and seated almost touching her this time, her body heat warming a little Regina's own body.

"Why would that be a problem?" And her eyes looked so sincere that Regina poured herself another glass and sighed.

"Well, if the pirate is there I suppose he is going to want you to be with him at Christmas"

"Whatever Hook's wants is not going to be first than our plans, Regina" Replied Emma and touched Regina's side playfully. "Besides I want to know if you go with a full mode of Christmas or you only prepare a special dinner in those days."

"So you would be with us?" Asked the brunette and Emma smiled even more brightly at her.

"Of course, and if you put some decorations I'm free to help you. It's the only thing that I can do properly after all"

Regina smiled at that but jumped a little when Emma touched her side again, the little ticklish sensation making her look at the blonde trying to appear as composed as ever.

"Thank you" She said when she felt Emma's brain processing that she was ticklish and that made the blonde drop the probing finger.

"I told you, I want to be friends with you"

Regina hummed and both of them drank again, the little studio turning cozier with every passing minute due to the alcohol.

"Everything was easier when it was only us. You know?" Said Emma after her third glass of cider. "Maybe we weren't friend but I can't stop thinking that maybe we could have… worked out our differences"

"In a world without magic? We would have bored to death" Replied Regina looking intently at her glass.

"Maybe" Conceded the younger woman. "But it could also have turned to be fun. Now everything is insane, we can't barely breathe before there is another threat. And let's face it; you are the only one who knows what is doing."

"If I must be realistic I don't know what it's happening half of the time" Replied Regina, her words a little slurred "But I try to see the bigger picture and your parents go only with what they have, which usually is only what someone even more idiotic had told them"

"Well, if you remember I beat you so you aren't as smart as me" Replied Emma grinning like an idiot and Regina laughed a little at that.

"You were Rumple's pawn; it's not so strange that you beat me. Besides, it was a prophecy."

"I have always the doubt of what exactly meant the prophecy." Muttered Emma as Regina removed her shoes and tucked her feet under her body. "I want to give you your happy ending but the rest of this place expects me to give them their happy endings and I don't even know what is my own happy ending"

Regina's face darkened at that and drank again from her glass.

"So you aren't going to help me?" Asked in a soft voice and when Emma saw that she circled the brunette's body with her right arm.

"No, I am going to help you no matter what. What I wanted to say is… that everybody assumes that I know what to do because I'm the savior so they ask me to do the hard work but you only… want my help. Well, when you want me around at least" Finished with a smile and it was Regina's turn to pock Emma's side with one of her fingers.

"Don't be ridiculous. I don't have problems with you being near me"

"Even when I'm behaving like an idiot?" Asked the blonde playfully but Regina could see the doubt that filled those green eyes.

"Especially in those moments, you are the only Charming that I find pleasant to be with. "

Emma started to laugh at that and Regina grumbled good- humoredly at that.

"Happy to be the cause of your laughter…"

"No, it's only that you never say that I'm a Charming, you keep telling me Miss Swan and everything."

"That's because I find you different. And you haven't changed your name either" Pointed out the brunette and Emma blinked at that, as if she had just realized it.

"I suppose you are right. I just… like being Swan, it's my name and it will only be mine. I may have a family now but Emma Swan is who I am and it doesn't matter what happens. Is who I am going to be."

"I like who you are" Admitted Regina softly and Emma looked at her intently, the space between them seeming smaller with each passing word.

"Who do you think is the author?" Blurted Emma and Regina put her glass down and tugged Emma's arm to hold her once again.

"I don't know, I still don't know the logic behind the curse, the first and the second one brought us different people so maybe one of them is the author or maybe the author is something as intangible as fate"

"You are a poet" Commented Emma and Regina looked at her amused with the sass in that last remark.

"I can be, I was taught to declaim after all"

Emma shuddered mockingly as she finished her last glass.

"How fun… but maybe you are right, maybe the author is some kind of identity that we can't see"

"Maybe we can write those books ourselves and see what happens" Muttered Regina and Emma caressed her left hand as she kept her arm in place.

"Maybe we can bring Robin back and then…"

"No" Whispered Regina. "I have done the right thing with Robin. And I can have another happy ending because these blank books exist, but if my happy ending means that Marian and Roland are going to be… I don't want to have it" Finished and she closed her eyes for a second.

"That is how much you have changed, you know? That you want to bring them their happy endings. Maybe you are the savior." Muttered back Emma and Regina rested her head on Emma's shoulder.

"I would be a better Savior" Said smugly and Emma laughed before sighing.

"Maybe you are right; I am a terrible savior after all"

Regina grumbled and raised her head, locking her eyes with Emma's as she pursed her lips and shook her head so vividly that the room spun a little.

"I'm a Queen, and a Queen only has the best, so you are an excellent savior"

Emma laughed at that, her free hand making lazy circles on Regina's pants.

"I am your property now?"

The brunette looked at the younger woman with a quick comeback that died on her lips when she saw Emma's eyes.

"I can't do this again" Said softly at Emma and the blonde frowned, the alcohol making her see everything a little blurred now that they had finally stopped talking.

"Then we will stop doing it" Answered and Regina chuckled a little before shaking her own head.

"You don't know what I'm talking about"

"No, but if you don't want to then we won't do it" Answered Emma as she tried to smile and it was then when the brunette saw the true meaning under those words and the whole irony made her laugh as she touched Emma's chest with her forehead.

"Do you know that when I realized that my magic only worked when you touched me I thought that it meant something?" Asked, her voice muffled but still loud enough for Emma to hear it.

"I also thought that it was strange" Replied the blonde. "I wanted to ask you what it meant when I invited you to the dinner. I spent a lot of my time in the enchanted forest thinking if that had been you but then I made a mistake and we couldn't talk about it"

Regina chuckled again, her forehead still in Emma's chest, the beating of the blonde's heart steady and strong.

"Daniel asked me to love again and for a long time I thought that maybe my second chance of a happy ending was you" Admitted the brunette and she stilled, fearing that Emma would say something or would insult her and go. And she would be alone once again.

But the blonde only nodded so Regina kept talking.

"But then I realized that you weren't someone to be seen as a second chance. You are the first chance of someone. And that's the reason because I can't stand the pirate. He only sees you like a prize. Not like a first chance."

"That's stupid" Muttered Emma and Regina closed her eyes, already feeling the pain in her heart and preparing herself to be rejected but Emma only touched her cheek as she continued speaking. "We both have pasts, and I know that you loved Daniel, that you still love him. And that doesn't make you less, or me less, or your feelings less!"

Regina gulped and raised her head, her eyes locking once again with Emma's and she smiled a little when she saw how Emma had her jaw set like every time she was passionate about something.

"And you love Hood, and that doesn't make you less or evil, Regina" Continued the blonde "Because he is your soulmate and you want to have a happy ending and he is yours and that it's good"

"And you have Hook" Finished Regina but Emma cringed.

"I would prefer to be with you" Whispered, almost as if she was afraid to be heard and when Regina opened her mouth Emma smiled, her eyes looking at the couch, a few bangs shadowing them and the brunette suddenly had the image of a much younger Emma in front of her. "When I understood the mechanics of the magic and how it works I started to think again of what had happened with the wraith and I wanted… I wanted to believe that what we did meant something. And then we both moved the moon and I thought that maybe… I was right. But I had screwed up everything and… Hook is simple."

"And we aren't" Finished Regina and Emma hummed softly.

"But, that thing that you don't want to keep doing? If that thing is being near me I will understand. "

The older woman shook her head and moved closer to Emma, their faces inches apart.

"I don't want to be used again. But I would never want to not see you again. And we both know that if that turns out to be the case you would insist on being near me."

Emma smiled, her smile reachin her eyes, and nodded as she touched Regina's cheeks again, grazing softly the tender skin as she released her breath, feeling the alcohol fueling her veins and thoughts but less powerfully than a few seconds before.

"I don't want to blame this on the alcohol" Muttered and Regina grinned.

"Neither do I"

"Can you hand me my jacket?" Asked the younger woman and Regina used her magic to give it to Emma, too focused on Emma's eyes to give it to her without it. "Thank you" Muttered the blonde and extracted her phone from the jacket.

When she finally found Hook's number she pressed the button and as soon as the pirate's voice was heard through the speaker she started to talk.

"Killian, I am going to explain this to you better tomorrow but… no, let me explain. I care about you, in some way that I haven't figure it out yet but I don't see us in five years from now. And if you would see me in five years from now you… well, let's say that we both don't see each other like that. But I can have that. So no, I don't love you and I wanted to be truthful because I know I can and I deserve to be the person I am instead of the person you think I am. So I want to explain this to you better tomorrow if you want but for this night I wanted to tell you that we are over."

She hung up and looked at Regina who was smiling, her body touching her and she also smiled, tossing her phone, as Regina inhaled sharply as if she was setting her mind.

"Can I kiss you?" Asked the brunette and Emma could only nod before Regina's lips touched hers.

And in that moment there weren't enough books to explain how the blonde felt or how Regina felt because they didn't want to explain what they felt, or wait to be comprehended, they knew what they wanted and they took it.

But contrary of how Rumplestiskin had put it they both took only what the other wanted.

A kiss.

And five years in the future.


End file.
